I choose love

I did not put in a single entry in the past 8 months. Gosh, there is so much to say, but where do I begin?

Let’s start with my mental and spiritual well-being. I am positively happier and more alive nowadays. 2 years ago, I went back to church looking every bit like a refugee who was not only deprived of basic human needs, but also TLC. 2 years later, I am literally bigger, more solid in mind, body, heart and soul.

Which was why I read Eat, Pray, Love going yes and amen at every sentence. The author and I were in the exact opposite circumstance – she was dying to get out of a marriage, while I wanted in. But the avenues we discovered on the journey to healing are the same – prayer in solitude, good food, and great friends. I pray more than before, eat more than before, and laugh more than before. I am forever thankful to God for such a journey and the many revelations that came with it.

I wouldn’t say I have completed that journey, but I am really done crying over spilled milk. Which leaves me wondering what next now that I’d leave behind my sad and sorry past. I remember a postcard with 5 goals I’d set for myself at the beginning of the journey. I’d at least tried to do all of them 65% of the time, but there is always room for improvement:

1. Put God first (praying, tithing, and serving)

2. Be patient (stop arguing with my stupid (oops) sister and speak in love)

3. Love myself more (it has been changed because of the huge, irreparable damage to my bank account)

4. Be independent (I don’t feel as needy as I used to)

5. Be positive (If you are my friend and love me, just agree with me)

In the past 8 months, there were a few stumbling blocks that tested all of the convictions I’d established with God. Some were easily dealt with, yet others tested my faith and beliefs beyond any measure. Some made me angry, others made me feel loved. Some made me delusional, while others gave me hope.

I begun to think, think, think, and that was why I stopped blogging.

Now that I’m done with thinking, I feel much lighter and happier. I can only say it made me more confident of myself and of life with God. The Book of Ezekiel is so powerful, and we’re only at part 2.

And I concurred with pastor’s message to choose love. Love in the face of inequity, offence, unjust, anything negative. I just want to love. I am surprise to find such peace within me. I truly realized how much I’d grown.

I am proud to declare that I am happy, and I choose love.