Love is space and time measured by the heart

I choose love

2011-04-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

I did not put in a single entry in the past 8 months. Gosh, there is so much to say, but where do I begin?

Let’s start with my mental and spiritual well-being. I am positively happier and more alive nowadays. 2 years ago, I went back to church looking every bit like a refugee who was not only deprived of basic human needs, but also TLC. 2 years later, I am literally bigger, more solid in mind, body, heart and soul.

Which was why I read Eat, Pray, Love going yes and amen at every sentence. The author and I were in the exact opposite circumstance – she was dying to get out of a marriage, while I wanted in. But the avenues we discovered on the journey to healing are the same – prayer in solitude, good food, and great friends. I pray more than before, eat more than before, and laugh more than before. I am forever thankful to God for such a journey and the many revelations that came with it.

I wouldn’t say I have completed that journey, but I am really done crying over spilled milk. Which leaves me wondering what next now that I’d leave behind my sad and sorry past. I remember a postcard with 5 goals I’d set for myself at the beginning of the journey. I’d at least tried to do all of them 65% of the time, but there is always room for improvement:

1. Put God first (praying, tithing, and serving)

2. Be patient (stop arguing with my stupid (oops) sister and speak in love)

3. Love ~~myself~~ more (it has been changed because of the huge, irreparable damage to my bank account)

4. Be independent (I don’t feel as needy as I used to)

5. Be positive (If you are my friend and love me, just agree with me)

In the past 8 months, there were a few stumbling blocks that tested all of the convictions I’d established with God. Some were easily dealt with, yet others tested my faith and beliefs beyond any measure. Some made me angry, others made me feel loved. Some made me delusional, while others gave me hope.

I begun to think, think, think, and that was why I stopped blogging.

Now that I’m done with thinking, I feel much lighter and happier. I can only say it made me more confident of myself and of life with God. The Book of Ezekiel is so powerful, and we’re only at part 2.

And I concurred with pastor’s message to choose love. Love in the face of inequity, offence, unjust, anything negative. I just want to love. I am surprise to find such peace within me. I truly realized how much I’d grown.

I am proud to declare that I am happy, and I choose love.

Van Cleef & Arpels “Pont des Amoureux”

2010-08-03T21:19:00.000+08:00

The price of true love? This lovely time piece = one HDB flat in SG.

Should be considered peanuts for some folks.

http://fashion.elle.com/blog/2010/03/van-cleef-arpels-pont-des-amoureux.html

Farewell Hyper

2010-07-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

Hyper - Dec 2007 ~ 10th July 2010

I always check on the hamsters when I reach home every evening. So when I found Hyper dead, I realized I am the only person in my family that really loves them. My sister's attention has long drifted to other hedonistic pursuits.

But what surprised me the most wasn't discovering his dead body crawling with house ants, but my lack of grief and emotion.

Why doesn't it hurt as much as losing Active? Hyper and Active are my first pair of hamsters received from a kind old friend. I still remember how small they felt, how vulnerable they looked as they lay in my palm that December day.

I knew exactly what should be done - disposed of his body and clean up the cage. I need to clear his body before the entire army of ants carries him away.

I believe the chain of hamster deaths this year has help quicken the process of accepting reality. Happen often enough, and it will be just another death. And Hyper had a peaceful composure, like he was sleeping. It was comforting to know he died of old age, instead of terminal illness (like Active).

Hyper wasn't just another pet. Writing this post brings back a lot of memories. You would think I'm crazy, but each of the hamsters makes me feel differently. I can remember my moods and the events of the day they arrived into our home. They marked a date in my life, of how our roads crossed.

The hamsters also taught me a lesson: don't regret. Treat everyone kindly and love everyone as if it is our last day on earth. Don't say hurtful things to the people you love. Those may be the last words they heard from you. Don't regret only when they are gone. Remember that your roads have crossed.

It is so easy to take things for granted. You go to work, expecting to see everyone as usual. Then suddenly a colleague died of stroke. You go home, turn on the shower, water runs. When was the last time you had your water supply cut unexpectantly? You reach home, expecting your pet to greet you as usual. But the only thing you find is a rat shell, devoid of live.

I am feeling emotional about Hyper's death now, which is what I wanted. I need to know that I can still feel and my emotions have not run dry. Being emotional makes me feel alive.

Thank you Hyper. I hope I have been a good friend and master.

I will remember all the mischief and close shaves with death you experienced, and what a charmed life you have had.

Hedonistic pursuits

2010-07-03T20:13:00.000+08:00

Whatever makes me happy on my birthday

The uncommon Johor adventure

2010-06-16T23:28:00.005+08:00

I was away with 7 friends for a short trip to Desaru over the weekend. Desaru is in the state of Johor, on the east coast. So it is nearer to go by the Woodlands route and drive into JB.

We had agreed this will be an extremely relaxed trip, without agenda. Take things nice and easy.

The 8 of us (in 3 cars) gathered at 6 A.M at my place to avoid the morning jam at the causeway. We were like kids going on a field trip...

Malaysian Ringgit - checked

Walkie-talkie - checked

Snacks - checked

Sunglasses - checked

A sense of adventure - checked

Board games - checked

Suntan lotion - checked

Bikinis - checked

Tennis racket (???) - checked

Perhaps things were going too smoothly, when someone decided, rather unintentionally, to shake things up. And we just checked our sense of adventure 20 mins ago!

All 3 cars drove in and cleared the customs as per normal, except our funny friend's. Maybe it was too early in the morning and the Malaysian customs officer, like my friend, was still fighting the Z monster.

My friend (the driver) thought the officer was waving him straight to toll payment. As he was not familiar with Woodlands Checkpoint, he thought there was another officer doing immigration clearance further down the toll. His good wife concurred.

And so, after making payment, he drove straight on. To his surprise, what he saw next was the open road and he was leaving the immigration building! Hahahahhaah...

The next rendezvous was at the Shell station after the customs. Mid-way over the walkie-talkie came my friend's voice.

"Eh, did the officer chop your passports?"

Huh???

No matter if you're a seasoned traveler or not, the first thing your parents taught you (probably the moment you get your passport), is to ensure your passport is chopped by the country of visit's customs. I am not sure if there are countries which doesn't put a stamp in your passport, but I am sure Malaysia is not one of them. YET.

I could only imagine how my friend and his passengers were feeling in the car. Just think - I am an illegal immigrant - so dangerous! The next voice that came over the walkie-talkie was his wife's, much softer.

"Oh no, I think we're in trouble".

Another friend suggested we go back to the immigration and ask for help. We parked the cars at Caltex station and waited for them for at least an hour.

Seems like they were in serious trouble. For a split second I thought we should pray for their safety. Another friend thought they might need to be billed out.

The truth was, on their way back, they had lost their sense of direction (together with their nerves) in the massive building.

As to how the whole explanation with the Malaysian customs officer went, just picture yourself getting scolded by your primary school principal. That was how they felt.

What a way to start the weekend! Compared to the rest of the trip, nothing came close to the excitement we felt by breaking the Malaysian law.

Makes the succulent seafood, hearty massage, creamy durians and exhilarating banana boat ride look pale in comparison.

Oh, happy day!

2010-05-23T21:59:00.005+08:00

Today is a happy day. Such simplicity, such joy.

Went for a jog with RC and LF. It seems that meeting me has helped them to keep up with their jogging routine. See, guys, it ain't so bad to live in Marsiling.

Took me about 15 mins to run 6 rounds. This is after a long hiatus due to a sore right knee. Although the timing wasn't ideal, I didn't feel as tired as I used to. Need to keep myself motivated, or else it'll be a whole waredrobe full of new clothes - for the wrong reason! Not to mention I'd signed up for Shape Run in July + LF.

After breakfast I decided to cut and rebond my hair. Be in for a surprise! I chopped my hair real short again (the weather drives me nuts). LF also went to get a new hairstyle - cut and colour - but we went separately. Can't wait to see her do.

The lady who cut my hair is a new staff. She was real patient and nice. I have met hairstylists who take a look at my hair and just +_+" . My hair ain't easy business! I hope to see her again the next time I visit.

When I reached home, I was welcome by the rich auroma of Japanese Curry! Oh thank you mummy dearest! I don't take rice in the evening, but I made an exception tonight! It was the more popular and healthier brown rice, of course.

Next week will be a super busy week. But it will be fruitful. I'm looking forward to AC, with great expectation!

A Desaru trip is in the pipeline, and Hong Kong in August too!

Where are you?!?

2010-05-19T22:30:00.004+08:00

My muse took a holiday and hasn't returned. Probably hooked up with a more interesting chap. Maybe procastination is the thief?

Meant to blog about this a few weeks ago but left it in drafts. Can't write anything these days.

The title of this entry is supposed to be "Stage play, movie, unbearable weather, another long weekend". The long weekend was Labour Day, not the coming Vesak Day.

I envy Priscilla for writing with such ease. Everyday.

A Mighty Heart

2010-04-14T23:11:00.004+08:00

Active - December 2007 ~ 14th April 2010

Active was euthanized 2 hours ago.

Together with Hyper, they were my first hamsters. She was a wonderful mother of 6. Easy temperament. Never bite. Children love her. I think she was more mature and wiser than my sister and I combined.

Her health took a downward spiral abruptly in the last 72 hours. A tumor had invaded her body, making her weak and barely conscious. No one noticed the bulge in her abdominal area as she was quite plump, so no one knew how long she had been sick. At best, she could probably live for another month.

But her condition was worsen by an injury sustain in her left leg. She had accidentally sprained it in January. This was really my fault… another long story.

She was promptly brought to the vet in January to treat the swollen leg. But like what happened to Dale, the swell did not recede even though proper medication was administered. By the end of January, it had inflamed to triple the original size.

However, Active was still going about her business as usual in spite of the extra weight and burden. No pain (at least from her behavior). Eat well. Sleep well. Occasional run on the wheel (by now it had become a slow limp). Her desire to run free was nonetheless demonstrated by her habitual biting of the fence. I didn’t think much of the leg anymore and let her be.

On Monday, my sister noticed an erratic behavior in Active – she was frenziedly licking her left leg and body. By the time I reached home, the leg had become a bloody mess and her whole body was wet. When I lifted her into the basin and cleaned her with wet cotton wool, I noticed how skinny she really was, and then the bulge in her stomach. I realized it could be too late.

On Tuesday, everyone kept a close watch on her. She would be lying in a corner of her cage most of the time, breathing heavily and licking herself. She also made several attempts to eat and drink. But I had to bring the water to her mouth as her body was simply too weak. And she kept drinking non-stop. Probably haven’t had a drink for a long time, but no one noticed. We also gave her soft food like bread and fruits, but she could only manage a few mouthfuls before giving up.

As I watched her struggle, I realized even the smallest being would fight for their lives, and what grown man had taken for granted was so desperately clanged to by the smallest rat (Someone had committed suicide at my bock on early Monday morning). Her heart was so strong, and the will to live even stronger. But the frail and sicken body could not support her will anymore.

My thoughts were of Active as I went to work this morning. I called home several times to check on her. Nothing was improving. Mum said she had climbed into her food bowl and stayed there since 1 in the afternoon. She was frail, skinny, wet and covered in her own waste and food debris.

I realized with a heavy heart that somehow, this had to end tonight. There is no reason why she had to live in such a degraded manner in her final moments as my beloved pet. I tried to give her water, but her only response was to look at me with heavy laden eyes. I took her to the vet and told them this is an emergency. We managed to skip a few patients.

They took Active into the ops room, gave her glucose and oxygen therapy for a while before seeing me. Active was cleaned up and lying on a towel above a heat pack. I was a picture of broken spirit and nerves, but the vet was perfectly calm and professional. After examining her, the only options were to send Active home with some medication that could sustain her for a while; or we can let her go peacefully.

For a long second, I wish God would do the job for me. Leave me with the chores of cleaning her cage, feeding her, bathing her, buying food for her, and changing her drinking water. And of course, playing with her.

But when you had to play God, what would you do?

As I tried to process the entire situation mentally, I explained what had happened to her leg, and how no one knew about the tumor. All the while my little rat was still desperately clinging to life on the ops table – her breathing and heart beat visible. The vet mentioned several times about her quality of life… and yes, I agreed that this is absolutely degrading. Moreover, at 2 years and 4 months, she could be considered a dinosaur among rodents.

I took a moment to call home and broke the news to my family, having already decided what to do. The vet kindly left the room to let me say a final goodbye to Active.

I took away the oxygen mask and stroke her. She managed to look up for a while, and staggered toward nowhere. A few clumsy steps later, she stopped moving and rest still - breathing and heart beat still visible. For a long time we were both silent.

No one should ever have to go through this. It was so painful for both. I hate to watch her any longer and left the room.

The vet had this crazy idea that I might want to watch the euthanasia procedure (she was too calm…), but like any heartbroken owner, I turned down the offer.

5 minutes later, it was all over.

I returned to the ops room to see Active. I made a mentioned that she looked like she was murdered and regretted immediately. The vet was absolutely apologetic that it had to end this way. I hope she won’t take my comment to heart.

I decided to bring Active home, and the vet found an empty box for her. All the way back in the cab, I couldn’t stop tearing. My sister was the same when she saw Active’s body.

I thank Active for all the joys she had brought into my family’s life. Mum was all angry and threatening to throw her out in the beginning. But tonight, she spoke only kind words of Active. Dad was his same stoic self, but I know he was heartbroken too.

My beloved rat, may you find lots of wheels and hidden food in heaven.

Bye bye Gigi

2010-03-16T22:47:00.002+08:00

Gigi - 10th June 2008 ~ 16th March 2010

We just said goodbye to Dale, and now her sister has followed.

We noticed Gigi wasn't active and running when we approach her since last Thursday, pretty much the same as Dale. This morning when my sister fed her, she was struggling to get out of her food bowl.

When my sister picked her up, she just stopped breathing. The poor girl is so traumatized. I am, however, more shocked by my sister's display of emotion than Gigi's death. But it was natural - Gigi was more hers than mine.

My friend suggested we should keep the remaining hamsters apart - seems like there's a disease going around.

First death

2010-02-23T21:19:00.005+08:00

Dale - 14 Aug 2008 ~ 22 Feb 2010

Dale passed away last night. She has been sick for a while. Been to the vet so many times... nothing helps.

When I cleaned her cage on Sunday, I noticed she wasn't her usual mousy-self. She was lying in a corner, food untouched. The next day, she was lying in her food bowl (another unusual behaviour). I thought she was sleeping and left her alone.

This is the first death among the hamsters, and it happened to the youngest.

R.I.P Dale. I will miss you.

Lost and found

2010-02-13T03:22:00.004+08:00

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel

I was surfing around and was surprised to find my Friendster page.

I don't remember what is the login or password, but I'm able to see My Profile and pictures. I need to find a way to delete this account.

But the real surprise came from reading my own words. How I described myself all those years ago. Here's what I wrote:

Interested In: Friends

Member Since: Oct 2003

Hometown: Singapore

Chrisann's URL: http://profiles.friendster.com/2781979
Other education: Membina Primary, RSS, JJC, SIM

Occupation:DayDreamer

What I enjoy doing:Like pets (esp dogs), collect CDs, surf the net, geography is my favourite subject, travel, travel, travel

Favorite Books:My bible, all the books in the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, Cry To Heaven, Harry Potter (YES!)

Favorite Movies:Back to the future, Indiana Jones, LOTR, Matrix, how to make an american quilt, Interview with a vampire, pretty woman, contact, american beauty, finding nemo, x-men, and tonnes more..... if u have the time, I'll share.

Favorite Music:Anything by U2, Tori Amos, Sting, Ono Lisa, Hillsong, Savage Garden, Lighthouse Family, Simply Red and the boyband of all boybands, TAKE THAT!

Favorite TV Shows:Smallville, Friends, Frasier, Who's line is it anyway, ER, The Amazing Race, and The O.C.

Zodiac Sign:Cancer

About Me:
For those of you who'd been checking my pages for the past few months, sent me a msg, or tried to add me as a friend, but receive no updates or reply, I apologise. I'd been busy with life, and totally enjoying myself. It was in January when I was put off by the slow network here, and decided to stop using it.

Now that I'm back, I must say there's a lot of improvements in terms of the speed of the server. I had receive all your msgs and I wanna say hi to everyone, and thank you... thanks for all your concern. I'm still ALIVE AND KICKING!!!I only wanna say one thing: Don't spend too much time in front of the computer. Your real life is OUT THERE, talking to real ppl,not typing cyber chat lingos to ppl whom you've never met all the time. If you'd never try something new, I feel that there is no better time than now to do something different.

Examine your life, and ask yourself that one important question today: What do I want out of this life?

--------Pretty free-spirited, loves God, loves travelling, confident, doesn't make sense most of the time, a little critical sometimes, honest and straight forward all the time. Treasure friendships alot. -------

Who I Want to Meet: Anyone who's interesting, intelligent and can share some experiences on life with me. Also looking for old frens whom I've lost contact with. Was previously from MPS, RSS, JJC, SIM

Looking back, I have really lost myself. Where have I been in the last 7 years? I have forgotten what matters most to me. I have forgotten how to love myself. I think I'd become someone else.

I was on a very interesting journey, thinking I'll do some self-discovery.

But it was quite contrary. I'm totally out of the league.

Some interesting stuffs

2010-02-09T23:29:00.004+08:00

I haven't update my blog in a while. How busy can one get?

Tonight I chanced upon 2 interesting sites, both dealing with philosophy.

http://www.askphilosophers.org/

http://schwitzsplinters.blogspot.com/2008/09/thoughts-on-conjugal-love.html

It begins to dawn on me, on how much easier it is to believe in something I can't see, rather than something I can see and touch.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

Ho ho ho... have you been good this year? Did you get what you want?

For me, I didn't get exactly what I want (i.e. lots of money). But God is good, and His blessing comes in many forms, shapes and sizes.

Here's what I'd gotten this year, despite wage freeze:

(1) An LV from mum - It truly made my year! *^_^*

(2) A Swatch from mum

(3) A GUESS watch from DBS bank - This is what I get when my sister burst dad's credit limit *^_^*

(4) Countless free rides from RC and LF - Okay, I will stop all the sabotage on your house hunting. If you still can't find one, it's really not my fault!

(5) Lots of good company from JJ and BY for all my shopping trips, even thought we're not shopping for us - You can read this as a formal complaint that being a birthday coordinator is TOUGH. But I love shopping. So, please don't take this role away from me.

(6) Lots of fun, love, laughter and inspiration being in the company of great people - This includes people at work and church.

I didn't get what I want, but it felt like God has more than tripled His blessings this year.

Moreover, I value the intangible. Even if I don't have the first three items, I will still feel blessed with the remaining three. It's those intangible stuffs that leaves an even greater impression on my heart and in my memory.

Thank you to all my friends and family whom have made this year so enjoyable. I love you!

Merry Christmas! Let's move into 2010 with great expectations.

Swollen paw

2009-11-28T23:44:00.002+08:00

My hamster, Dale, has a red swollen paw since April. She has been to the vet twice, but the antibiotics are not working for her. There is no broken bone, and all her toes are intact. No pus too.

I think it all started with a laceration she had gotten when she was running on her exercise wheel.

In Dale's last visit, the vet used a needle to make a hole in the paw in an attempt to drain out the clogged blood. Since the vet has mentioned it looked like she kept knocking/bruising that paw (which has turned into a red, blue-black mess), I am going to remove her wheel (no exercise = gain weight).

I am now massaging the paw every night to see if it gets better.

An after dinner conversation

2009-11-01T13:01:00.008+08:00

7 of us went for dinner after service last night. The conspiracy to make all the girls fat went well (we had Popeye).

Somehow, the conversation over dinner turned into a mini interrogation on one of the brothers regarding his current love interest (we all know who, lah).

Though he denied he has any, the ladies at the table were NOT convinced.

After dinner, 4 of us stayed around (including the brother) and the conversation continued.

*Below is a gist of what I can remember. There were other banters going on in between sentences which I can't remember.

ME: So, is there something going on between you and you-know-who?

Brother: No comments (blank face).

ME: So there is something going on, lah?

*Guys, when you don't want to comment, your answer as interpreted by a woman will be "yes there's something going on but I don't wanna tell you"

ME: The last time we saw both of you, you guys seem to get along really well.

S-I-L-E-N-C-E.

ME: So have you been out with her on a one-to-one basis???

Brother: Why you keep asking me about that? What about you and you-know-who-2?

ME: What's you-know-who-2 got to do with this conversation? We are concern about you! As your caring Sisters-in-Christ, we want to help you!

Brother: OK, can tell me what are your top 3 criteria in a dream man?

Pondering, I turned to Single Sister and asked the same.

Single Sister: Must be smart, financially stable, mature.

Brother: How much must he earn to be considered financially stable?

Single Sister: Hmmm, I can don't work lah. But I will want to continue working. I'll go crazy staying at home.

Brother: Then how much must he earn?

ME: 10k???

The rest: SO MUCH?!

ME: It's one person earning for two...... Or more. BTW, You asked about our dream man.

Brother: 10k a lot leh... so stress for the guy.

Married Sister: Aiyah, when you meet the right person, all these criteria will get thrown out of the window. By then you won't feel these are important anymore.

I totally agree with Married Sister.

Single Sister: A lot of time, it has got to do with timing. Two persons can be friends for the longest time, but are still oblivious of each other. It's just a matter of timing.

ME: So in time to come, will you consider Brother?

Single Sister and Brother looked at each other with utter disgust (I'm just exaggerating).

My take away from this conversation is that we all have criteria for our dream partner. But it will forever be a dream. Of course it's good to aim high, but you need to come back to earth and check the situation again.

If you are a woman around my age, this is the type of situation you are likely to be caught in:

(1) All the good guys are taken

(2) The remaining majority are gay

(3) Some are workaholics who doesn't want to get involved until a later time (i.e, not ready for commitment)

(4) There's a minority group of men who are nice and available, but you simply don't have any special feelings for them (i.e, can't click)

(5) For those who don't fit into any of the four categories above, they just can't be bothered about women

So, what's left?

As someone from the Romance and Relationship Conference put it, "It felt really hopeless sometimes".

You may think I am just consoling myself, but in my opinion, it is better to be happily single than miserably attached.

I agree with Single Sister too, that it's just a matter of timing.

So, let's be patient.

House of cards

2009-10-10T21:18:00.003+08:00

It's October. I haven't written anything since July.

I do have lots to blog about... where should I start?

How about this cool MTV by Radiohead?

This single was out last year, and the MTV was shot using a really cool technology (which I have zero knowledge about). In marketing terms I am what you would call a lagger - I'm almost, never, in the present. I don't follow trends, don't know what's going on in politics, entertainment, lifestyles, etc.

I depend on people to feed me information.

Since my time is not occupied with information gathering or updates, what do I spend my free time doing?

Maybe by the next post I'll have some answers.

You gotta kiss a few toads before you'll find your prince

2009-07-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

This is the quote of the day!

I had lunch with an old friend and these are the wise words she'd given me.

The question is - how many more?!

Gackt - Last Song

2009-07-22T23:42:00.003+08:00

My latest object of affection - Gackt.

He looks like all the cool characters from Final Fantasy. In fact, they say the characters are modeled after him.

Wild child, moonchild.

Belated happy birthday to me!

2009-07-06T00:12:00.002+08:00

I was so busy that I didn't write anything for more than 1 month.

It was my birthday last Friday. But I had to work past midnight last Thursday and Friday... -_-"

But the highlight was - I had 3 birthday cakes!!! Thank you all my dear friends and colleagues who remembered my birthday and took time out to celebrate with me. Thanks for all the birthday greetings too!

I am very, very blessed indeed.

The things we think but do not say

2009-05-31T23:22:00.002+08:00

Haven't blog for a while, sorry for MIA in May. May has just ended but my June schedule is already packed... and I'm not even a student or a teacher.

I wanted to write this a while ago but didn't have the time. It is about the annoying behaviours of both commuters and drivers on public transports.

If you think cab is excluded, think again. How many times have you seen tissue paper stuff into that little grip meant for passengers to close the door (if there's a proper term to this please let me know)? Remember the time you hop onto a cab that stinks? Yeah... and that taxi uncle who forgot to tidy his dashboard and leave newspaper lying around.

Of course, buses with their permanent residents - cockroaches - taking a ride with us. Cushion seats that feels soaked with sweat... and it's not even yours. Passengers who buy too much stuff, way beyond their grip ability and crash into you at the slightest movement. Oh yes, those drivers who jam the brakes.

And not forgetting my favourite - trains. Strong, young, hot-blooded students who sat under the RESERVED SEAT sign, and slept for the entire journey while a 80 year old uncle/pregnant lady/guy with crutches stand in front of them. These semi-blind folks woke up at various stations, took a peek at who's around, and went back to sleep.

We also have the semi-deaf passengers. People who need hearing aid more than a good headphone/earphones/ear-piece. They don't understand other passengers DO NOT SHARE THE SAME TASTE IN MUSIC!!!

So, so annoying, and the list goes on. How long do we still need before we can truly call ourselves a caring and considerate society? There's a lot of complaints already but so few have taken the first step for a better commuting experience in Singapore.

If you're thinking the same thing, I would like to urge you to do this - go up to the person and tell him to stop. Tell him to give up the seat, turn down the volumn, stop leaning against the grab pole, stop grabbing 2 hand grips, move into the middle of the train, clean up the bus/train/cab, drive carefully etc.

I'd never seen anyone done that before. I will try tomorrow. So please pray for me.

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-05-10T23:37:00.003+08:00

My first post after recovery from the flu. There are lots of people getting the bug, so please be vigilant. Lots of water, vitamin C and sleep.

Today is NC's birthday. We went to watch Much Ado About Nothing at Fort Canning Park. It's so cool. Liked Adrian Pang's performance. I haven't watched stage plays or foreign movies for a long time, so this is really, really a treat. I totally enjoyed it!

Happy Birthday NC! Many more great years to come.

I caught a bug

2009-04-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

I caught the flu bug. Fever, cough, throat inflammation and aching muscles. It's the Full Monty.

It's no joke when you fall sick like this. I have been to 2 doctors and am put on 10 different medications since Tuesday. I was given 3.5 days of MC.

There is a significant difference between falling sick when you were 17 vs. when you are 27. It gets worse as you get older. My body felt like it is about to break from my slightest movement.

I’m so drugged by the medication that all I can do is sleep. But the sleep did nothing to ease my agony, or the dark circles under my eyes. The worst is the throat inflammation. I just checked and found ulcer-like stuffs lining both sides of my throat…*yuck*. I can’t talk much as well.

To my friends who have been praying for me, thanks so much! Can’t wait to start talking again.

Cyber-shot T700 - the camera for lazy people

2009-04-13T23:56:00.005+08:00

I'm so happy with my new toy - the Cyber-shot T700. It's extremely easy to use, and the pics always come out exactly how I want it, which is a relief for a lazy moron like me.

It is no frills, 90% touch screen selections, has many useful function (including the smile shutter!) and easy to carry around. The sleek design was what caught my eye in the first place. Plus the really cool greyish-black colour - you would love to be seen with it.

Shopping is indeed therapeutic!

2009-04-11T14:48:00.002+08:00

I went shopping with HL yesterday and it was sooooooooooooooooo shiok!!!

My wallet suffered some serious damage though. But I know God will heal and protect it!!!

These are my spoils from yesterday's battle:

1. 2 tops from Topshop
2. 2 T-shirts from Esprit
3. 1 tube dress from Ztyle
4. 1 shirt from Club Marc
5. 1 belt from Bega

Hee hee hee....................

Door To Door (Jap)

2009-04-07T00:31:00.003+08:00

I just finished watching this short tele-movie on Youtube called Door To Door, starring Ninomiya Kazunari (from the Jap boyband Arashi. They are super hot now. You should Google them if you have the time).

It is about the real life story of an American Bill Porter who has cerebal palsy but went on to become a top salesman in his company.

The plot is quite slow, but I found the pace is just nice. It's been a long time since I watched something this heart warming.

I wasn't punched + Being bold and different

2009-03-22T23:35:00.006+08:00

The lower lid of my right eye has been swollen since yesterday. As I have dark circles under the eyes, I actually look like a victim of violent domestic abuse now. A few people commented it looked as though I'd been punched.

Thanks for all your concern! Don't worry, I wasn't punched. I'll visit my family doctor first thing tomorrow morning (he's closed on Sundays).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was at a Romance and Relationship Conference yesterday. At the end of the conference, Pastor had a Q&A session with us. The guy sitting next to me decided to go first. His Qs went something like this:

Q1: You have mentioned earlier about the ability for restraints (yes, no sex before marriage). So how does a dating couple know where to draw the line, especially if both of them are getting really intimate?

Q2: You have mentioned in your sermons that a man thinks about sex 7 times a day. I am currently in my twenties and is single. Do you have any suggestion/advise on how do I overcome the sex thoughts?

If you're feeling shocked after reading them, yes you are normal. About 98% of the audience were looking at him as if he's weird (especially after the 2nd Q).

I spent a great deal of time with someone like that before. Someone who holds no punches with his words. A non-conformist as my friend put it. He's not purposefully being different. He's just like that. People were often offended by his remarks, but he never explains or apologizes for being candid.

I felt that guy sitting next to me had done a good thing - he'd open the floodgates for the many embarrassing and difficult Qs that soon followed. If he didn't, there's probably:

(a) a delay. It's always difficult to be first in a Q&A.
(b) a lot of important Qs won't be asked. There is nothing more bold than admitting you're thinking about sex 7 times a day.

Pastor's answer to those Qs was just as open and candid - get attached and marry ASAP.

To the guy sitting next to me, thank you for being bold and different.

Korean singing in English

2009-03-12T23:26:00.004+08:00

This has been on Youtube for a while. I had a totally LMAO time watching this.

Keeping the WOWs in your VOWs

2009-03-09T22:43:00.003+08:00

I noticed there is an increased emphasis about keeping love relationships together. There are more people attending church as well. Everyone’s looking for love and affirmation when the economy is rejecting people. On the bus and MRT, over radio, on TV, at Borders and Kinokuniya. Books, workshops, activities, seminars, and marriage counseling, etc.

Money is the top divorce reason for today, followed by infidelity and change in priorities. My guess is in a time of economic crisis, money issue is going to drive couples apart much quickly.

We all take things for granted. There’s no such thing as a convenient relationship. The deeper the intimacy, the harder both parties need to work together to keep the love alive. This is not a relationship maintained over a cup of coffee once a month for 2 hours each time.

Sharing daily affairs, activities and responsibilities requires a great deal of commitment and communication. Crisis, burdens and uncertainties will only put additional stress on a marriage that is already on shaky grounds.

Pastor Kong began a series on Difference between Men and Women (the pointers are taken from the book His needs, Her needs). I guess it is to educate couples against the wrath of the crisis, burdens and uncertainties in this bleak economic weather.

I guess only when basic needs are met, can love withstand the test of difficult times?

Sugar Grams

2009-03-08T13:10:00.004+08:00

We did Sugar Grams on Friday during cell group. It's a small exercise whereby everyone write something good and encouraging about everyone. So each of us had a piece of paper on the back and we started writing.

This is my list. Some of the feedback surprised me.

1) Sociable and warm-hearted
2) Kind, good listener
3) Personable, good at building relationships
4) Friendly and passionate
5) Good at lifting up the atmosphere and cheerful
6) Flair in writing, captivating
7) Friendly and kind
8) Ever-ready and willing
9) Gentle and very kind to people
10) Friendly and creative, kind
11) Kind to animals

These are feedback from my cell group members. I wonder if my colleagues think the same way?

Why lizards?

2009-03-07T01:34:00.005+08:00

It's been a while since I last blogged and the first thing I want to talk about is lizard.

I came home late last night from a cell group meeting. Everyone’s asleep. I checked some emails and got ready for a nice relaxing shower.

The moment I closed the bathroom door, I noticed two lizards trying to take a bath as well. They quickly scrambled for the nearest corner, as if getting their stuffs ready for a nice relaxing shower too.

Lizards are at the top of my Most Hated List. To me, they are worse than flying cockroaches. I simply can’t stand the sight of these dirty, scaly, dull-green colored, translucent, tail forsaking reptiles.

Needless to say, it only took me five minutes to get out of the bathroom. All tensed.

I don’t feel relaxed or cleaned!

CNY - The Malnorished OX???

2009-01-31T01:06:00.003+08:00

Reading the papers these days, looks like 2009 brings with it the overworked-underpaid Ox. It's probably malnorished too. Perhaps even jobless.

I had enough of all these negative news that I stop reading any news at all. No one reports anything positive nowadays as people take them for granted (they don't sell as well as negative ones too).

Everyone's sceptical of every bit of positive news.

HL: Hey, company is giving the Kicker Bonus (SGD150 - zzz in vouchers) again.
ME: Ya, I redeem all already.
HL: The redemption valid for one year, right?
ME: Ya, but the vouchers has 2 years validity, so it's ok. I scared I forgot abt them.
HL: Ya, we also dunno when they're going to "show us the door". Better redeem now, if not "loogee".

No news is still good news.

So I shut myself from all these negative talk and listen to my Tori Amos again. Doing some planning for my work as well. Vendors not listening to me, sales people bully me - ENOUGH!!! Time to stand up for my convictions.

I read my last blog entry and found that I'd done Tori an unjust. Please read all about her here. She's much more interesting than what I'd described.

Tori Amos

2009-01-19T15:07:00.005+08:00

I love Tori Amos.

Her songs are full of meanings. She has a song for every chapter of my life.

She is romantic, beautiful, angry, frustrated, vain, childish, lovable, conceited, arrogant, moody, guilty, scared, hyped, and bitchy - she is totally a woman.

Her earlier works are filled with so much angst and frustration towards people and the systems they live and work for. Her last 2 albums are much happier. It's like watching her from the sidelines growing from an insecure being into a mature and confident woman.

I feel that she has stopped searching for an answer, and just enjoying what she has now.

This is my favourite song from her album "Little Earthquakes" (1993).

No means no

2009-01-05T19:53:00.003+08:00

Last Friday was the end of my company's 3rd quarter of the fiscal year.

So today is the start of a new work week, new quarter. To me, it also felt like the New Year (since I was busy doing OT last week).

We were happily expecting the management to announce an off-in-lieu, but we got different news.

5 of my friends were retrenched today.

This was expected. But what we'd heard was the axe is going to be in March/April. To do it so suddenly and so close to CNY, it is plain cruel.

We were relieved when none of us got the axe in Oct/Nov. Now, the remainder of us has to count our blessings since we’ll still have a job during the Chinese festive season.

It was unbearable. But there's nothing I could do. One of the affected staffs asked if her performance was unsatisfactory and so she was given the axe.

“No, it’s not because of your performance”

“No, it’s not because your role is unimportant”

“No, it’s not because you are too highly paid”

“No, it's not because we are prejudiced against you”

“No, we can’t keep you around. The management has deliberated for a long time and the decision is final. We’re very sorry to have to let you go”

I am of course not one of the managers. But I guess when the management said no, it means no.

In times like these, we can only do our best and be prepared for anything.

We just want to eat dinner peacefully

2009-01-03T23:33:00.003+08:00

Yes, that's all my friends and I wanted when this staff at one of the coffee stalls started grumbling us.

We were at Kaki Bukit 511 Food and Market Centre. It was quite near one of our friends’ place and the food, according to some of them, was not bad. Besides, there was more variety.

Little did we know, is that the foldable tables we were sitting at belongs solely to this coffee stall call H.S. (for self-protection, the name shall just be H.S.). On the table was a label with the stall's name printed on it.

I bought a glass of sugar cane juice (I really X 10 wanna drink this) and brought it back to our table. I was happily gulping down the juice when the staff of H.S. coffee stall came over to take our orders, and he immediately shouted:

"唉哟！小姐啊，你不可以在这里喝别摊的水啊！这张桌子是我老板出钱买的！别摊（的老板）没出钱。你要喝别的水，去坐别张桌子! "

My friends and I were giving each other blank stares when we heard this. The only time I know of stalls buying extra tables is when:

a) It's some famous "zhi cha" which bring in the bulk of customers to the hawker centre
b) It's some famous nasi lemak which bring in the bulk of customers to the hawker centre
c) It's some famous seafood which bring in the bulk of customers to the hawker centre

I'd never heard a coffee stall buying tables for their customers. Seems that this boss has got the extra special stuff in his drinks. Or, times are just bad. He needs the extra tables so he could sell a few more drinks.

We apologised and said this is our first time here and didn't know the rules. We just want to eat dinner peacefully.

The staff just shook his head and left. He probably hoped his boss didn't find out about his incompetence at getting ONE customer to buy drinks from him.

Happy New Year 2009!!!

2009-01-01T01:05:00.004+08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lfcastro/2140119484/

For last year's words belong to last year's language.

And next year's words await another voice.

And to make an end is to make a beginning.

~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

Happy Boxing Day 2008

2008-12-26T23:40:00.004+08:00

Instead of Merry Christmas, I wanna wish everyone Happy Boxing Day. If you'd opened all your presents, I hope you like them all.

This year I'd spent more on Christmas presents than usual, but I am so happy to give them all away. I now can really understand why Jesus said it is more blessed to give than to receive. As I looked at all the presents I'd prepared, the best present is actually something intangible.

I gave someone an apology last week.

I'd been struggling with some painful memories and felt the Lord spoke to me. He said I need to apologize and ask for forgiveness. It was mid-week Wednesday afternoon, and I absolutely couldn't concentrate on my work. I decided once office hours is over I will call the person.

Little did I know, the person is also struggling with the same issue. I realised he wants to be forgiven more than I do. Although he did not say "I'm sorry, please forgive me", I told him that he is forgiven.

God knows best, and the timing was right. Instead of an apology, I'd given an even better present - forgiveness.

I always know God put him in my life to teach me how to love. And now, how to forgive.

Unforgettable

2008-12-16T20:34:00.003+08:00

"Love turns, with a little indulgence, to indifference or disgust: Hatred alone is immortal" – William Hazlitt

Its indifference AND disgust. An unforgettable look.

Initially I thought it was triggered by the incompetent sales attendant at the optician. Or lethargy. I turned around just as the face was turning away, as if a moment earlier it was facing me, with indifference AND disgust. The only incompetency was mine and the lethargy comes from looking at me.

It’s heartbreaking how a face you’d loved for so long becomes something you’d loathe so much in the end.

Utterly blinded by love. Too easily contented to look beyond those huge signs.

Superb long weekend

2008-12-09T22:18:00.005+08:00

I was so busy the entire week that I have no time at all to blog. Here’s a quick update:

Happy Hyper + Active birthday! – 04-Dec-2008

Hyper + Active are the first pair of hamsters I own and I love them to bits. This week is officially their 1 year old birth week! They were given to me on 20th Dec 07 when they’re about 2 weeks old. So this is a rough estimate of their actual birthday.

I first got them to check if my maternal instincts are really what they are – instincts – hidden and dormant (since I’d always talked about kids like they’re little devils). Surprise surprise, maternal instincts abound in me and my sis actually asked who am I throughout the whole year.

TCW asked if I’m getting some cupcakes and party poppers for a celebration. I replied yes, but never got to it.

Next week, perhaps.

Cell group meeting – 05-Dec-2008, Friday

It’s been more than 2 weeks since our last meeting and I was glad to see everyone again. Especially when EK shared her testimony about how God has blessed her with a fully paid MBA scholarship! I’m really happy for her. She’s a role model whom I really look up to – a CGL, a career woman, a wife, a mom, now a student. All simultaneously!

A real life proof that you can never out give God.

KT and MiT’s wedding – 06-Dec-2008, Saturday

My relative KT (he’s only 29, but he’s ranked as my uncle in the family tree) and his long-time gf MiT finally tied the knot!

They had a church ceremony + wedding banquet all in one day. I had to wake up at 7 AM and only hit the sack at 1 AM. But it was all fun and joy throughout the whole day, so I’m not complaining.

They are very thoughtful and placed emphasis to every detail (from the invites, to the pocket-sized calendar, to the “Ang Bao” box). Each reflects the couple’s unbridled happiness to this long awaited day when they will finally live their lives joined as one in Christ.

I absolutely can’t stand church weddings, simply because I cry too much from the thanks and love I’m witnessing. Thank you God. Thank you mom + dad. Thank you dear friends. Thank you one and only love. It’s all a condensed soap opera in 1 hour (in the good sense).

If anyone ever invites me to a church wedding please give me a corner seat and packets of tissue.

Super tired + painful – 07-Dec-2008, Sunday

I didn’t sleep well at all due to acute gastric pain. I’d been living with gastric pain for almost 8 years. It’s always due to stress+lethargy+various stuffs all at once. The pain came at night, and only subsides in the morning. I couldn’t go for Rev. John Avanzini’s service and had to catch the online telecast. I napped through dinner time (couldn’t eat much).

Maybe it’s time to go for a serious check-up at TTSH. I wonder where I’d put my doc’s letter?

Double happiness – 08-Dec-2008, Monday

I felt better today and went to NL’s house to see her new born twins. They’re so adorable! The elder bro is the more restless one. The younger bro slept soundly throughout our visit despite the din. I brought along the Nikon D70 and took a lot of photos.

DT tested the camera too and together, we agreed that my skill sucks. I am now seriously lusting over the Canon IXUS 980 IS instead.

The weather was rainy and cold, just nice for a steamy hotpot dinner buffet. DT, MT and I went to Paradiz Centre (is this how you spell it?) for a much needed gastronomical delight.

A superb long weekend indeed. And the week begins once more.

Giving responsibly

2008-12-02T23:21:00.004+08:00

Christmas is coming again! Time flies when you’re having fun and enjoying the time of your life.

Are you planning to give someone a pet? Or wish you will have one by Christmas? If you are, please remember that every life is precious in the Lord’s eye. Don’t buy/ask on impulse! You are responsible for the rest of ITS life!

You can always visit the SPCA to adopt. Or approach me for one of my lovely hamsters (remember I have five).

This is the season of giving! Give these animals a home!

The Sixth Sense

2008-11-25T22:21:00.003+08:00

Not the movie. Not about dead people too.

My sixth sense has always been pretty accurate. I wonder if it’s got to do with me being emotional most of the time. If I put my emotions under control, does that make my sixth sense go away?

More importantly, can I survive without my sixth sense?

When I feel something is happening without being told, I want to confirm if my hunch is accurate. There are many times when I cross the line and end up creating more trouble. But my hunch has served me well (in a few situations). I know pretty much what lies beneath that mask people wear.

People always have a wrong impression of me – few words, demure, shy. I am just quietly observing/sensing what’s going on around me. I sometimes observed things I’d find to be important while others think it’s weird.

I am definitely not quiet, demure, and shy. It’s just an act. I nag a lot. You can ask my sister.

My sixth sense is telling me something has happened, and it’s making my head throbbed. Should I probe further?

I guess not. Just a waste of time.

Even if I know the truth, it’s meaningless to me now.

Borrowed toy!

2008-11-23T14:25:00.004+08:00

A sudden whirlwind of events/meetings/activities going on this week. I’m so tired that I wish for a 24 hours uninterrupted beauty sleep. My dark eye circles just keep getting darker. People probably take one look at me and think pandas have started walking amongst them.

Been so busy that I forgot to blog about this: I met up with IT and her friend JL for dinner on Tues. JL has kindly lend me his Nikon D70 so I can get a feel of how a DSLR works before making the BIG decision to buy.

It’s so exciting! My first study is of course my hamsters. I always think having a better camera will finally get me some excellent pictures like this one. I realized with huge disappointment it’s all about skills. The pictures are still blurry. The weight of the camera is another concern. You carry the camera with the right hand, leaving your left hand free to do the zoom or focus. So I’m probably going to develop a bigger right arm in a few months?

JL’s advice is to play around with the ISO and aperture combination. If I can master these two, I probably do have a certain degree of aptitude for photography. Maybe HL would like to be my next study? We can walk along Singapore River and take some nice portraits.

The heart of the human problem is the heart of the human

2008-11-19T23:58:00.004+08:00

First day of Asia Conference I was already seeing stars.

Berlinda Lee and Jack Neo are members of my church. Along with a few others. The church took some time to interview Jack Neo about his born again experience.

He shared a lot of things. When asked how does his movies struck a cord with the audience, he couldn't be more correct: these are movies about the everyday Singaporean doing the everyday Singaporean thing, and neglecting the most important thing: love.

People are lost and they don't know where to find love. They look high and low in all the wrong places when love is right in front of them.

When Jesus took the cross, He too, did it out of love. But love doesn't have to be dramatic like His final hours on earth. It is found in the more subtle actions that we always take for granted. In a phone call, a loving look, a simple home-cooked meal, spending time together. All done because of love.

In this week:
How many times have you had dinner with your family? How many sentences did you speak to mom on the phone? How many times did you hang up impatiently? Did you even call her this week?

Only when a problem is given the full, uninterupted attention, will you be able to see what exactly is the problem. Jack highlighted these problems in his movies. And because the audience is watching in the enclosure of a darkened hall, they see the light.

And the message struck a cord.

It's simply love

2008-11-16T00:05:00.002+08:00

(A) Absence makes the heart grow fonder

(B) Out of sight, out of mind

I’d been wondering, is it really (A) or (B) these days?

I realized the key factor that governs whether you feel (A) or (B), is simply love. When you love, you will chase the person, and you will miss him when he's gone. When you don’t love, you drift away, and should whatever happens to him, you won't give a damn.

Your attitude towards the relationship will determine your behavior.

JOY.NU talked about how external forces have tried to sour her relationship with bf. The Bee Gees has an answer in "How Deep Is Your Love".

But again, there exist relationships that are destroyed by the very hands that created them. No external help needed.

My feelings? I used to float around in a bottomless sea of love, but it is finally ebbing. My feet is beginning to touch some solid ground.

God always reminds me of how much more I can gain, and how little I’d lost.

Housework

2008-11-09T23:59:00.003+08:00

After reading For One More Day, I decided not to take my mom for granted. I helped her with the housework today. I am fully aware of all the tasks she needs to do and how unappreciative me, sis and dad have been.

Housework is not only physically demanding – you can really sweat buckets in 1 hour – it also requires some strategic planning. Otherwise you will be wasting time and precious resources.

I can understand her frustration all these years. Imagine being alone from 8 A.M to about 7 P.M. every weekday. You cook, clean, mend broken stuffs on your own. In your spare time, you meet up with what few friends you have for coffee or some shopping. Your kids and husband come home and take your efforts for granted. They complaint when some of their stuffs are misplaced. They do it when they find the same food for dinner again. And again when they can’t find that shirt/blouse/socks they want.

During weekends, when you thought the kids can spend some time with you or help out with some chores, they go out with friends or sit in front of computer watching mindless videos or playing useless games. Your husband wants to read newspaper and play Sudoku. When you talk to them, they take your nagging like poison to the ears. Blah, blah, blah.

I don’t blame my mom for blowing up every now and then. She is doing what domestic helpers are doing today and she doesn’t get paid. Above all, she still has to be a wife and mom. She has made a lot of sacrifices, but is unappreciated and gets complaints. She is home alone for a good 55 hours per week and feeling tired all the time. If something happens to her, no one will know. That is pretty lonely and dangerous.

I think 2 other factors that made her frustrated would be (A) house is too big and (B) cumbersome furniture. My house is a 135 meters square 5 room and it’s nothing like the small pigeon holes HDB build these days. To clean it in 1 day is too tiring. My mom has staggered her cleaning schedule (sweep today, mop tomorrow) but it’s still taking a toll on her body.

The furniture is not being helpful either. The usual sofa, coffee table, beds, tables, chairs all get in the way. If you still live with your parents, you will understand what I’m saying. The bigger it is the more durable and steady. There is some furniture that’s the same age as my sis.

My future home will have a “leg-less” concept. Anything that can be mounted on the wall will go there. If it can’t be mounted, it’s got to have wheels. It makes the cleaning so much easier. Walls will be white. . Some nice art work or painting will provide the much needed color.

Barack Obama

2008-11-09T01:53:00.005+08:00

Yes he won. I’m sure you have heard and read enough about him.

Let’s take a look at some great photos taken of him over the past few months at Boston.com .

Nobody's old and wise without first being young and foolish

2008-11-05T01:07:00.004+08:00

How true.

A new perspective from an old friend. We lost contact for a couple of years and it feels good to talk again tonight. We were friends since P3.

It's an extremely comforting moment, kinda like hugging your favourite, smelly bolster/blanket/pillow from childhood when you're feeling insecure, sad and lonely.

Dear friend, we need to catch up more often.

New toy?

2008-11-04T00:10:00.011+08:00

I keep seeing Canon EOS 1000D (Rebel XS / Kiss F) ads in the papers. I guess it's time to retire my trusty Olympus, which has served me faithfully for 6 years in all-weathers! My only complaints would be it's lack of functions and clarity.

I really hope my dad would like to co-own this new toy with me! Soon!

The.Coolest.Faucet.Ever

2008-10-29T21:28:00.007+08:00

God I love this!

http://www.us.kohler.com/faucets/karbon/index.jsp

NC, if you're reading this, you must get this for your future love nest! Gives me a very valid reason to go all the way to Punggol to visit you. We'll cook and reminisce about those good ol' homec days!

Can you hear me?

2008-10-26T15:37:00.008+08:00

http://www.ponandzi.com/image.php?img=1

If you're feeling this way, it's time to sit down with your love one and have a good talk. Nothing is more important than spending QUALITY TIME together.

Houdini has done it again

2008-10-23T23:17:00.006+08:00

I was walking to the bus-stop this morning when my mum called.

Puzzled, I picked up the call, wondering what was so important that she had to call me 3 minutes after I left the house.

ME: Hello?

MOM : 小慧！你的老鼠跑出来了！(Girl! Your hamster has come out!)

ME: Huh?!

MOM: 你忘记把老鼠笼的门关起来！(You forgot to close the hamsters' cage door!)

I have 5 hamsters at home, and they live in 3 cages (1 double storey) in the kitchen. 3 girls and 2 boys. All the girls are separated; as they fight (females are indeed more vicious). The boys are more tolerant of each other.

Mom described the escapee as “darker”. Hyper is darker than Chip the roommate. Like Houdini, Hyper has a passion for escape acts. He has been doing it since he was 2 months old.

This time, I was the assistant. I left the cage door open after feeding them. My mom doesn’t have the same fervor with the hamsters as the rest of the family. So I can only imagine the reaction on her face when confronted with an open cage door with only 1 hamster inside.

But it wasn’t the open cage door that caught her attention. She was bending down to pick up a pile of dirty laundry next to the cages, when she saw a black furry figure moving on top. Her immediate reaction was to drop everything and bolt.

Later, she realized the serious consequence if Hyper was not returned to the cage (he may try to jump down the pipe again; that’s another story). So very unwillingly, she grabbed the dirty towel with him inside, and threw him back into the cage.

My mom is pretty cool with the whole episode. She was so proud of herself as she reenacts the scene.

I guess all moms are the same. They claimed they don’t like your pet, but in the end, they worry about your pet more than you do.

I love my mom.

Think

2008-10-21T00:11:00.001+08:00

Don't concentrate on it's emptiness. Think of what you can do with its fullness.

Melbourne

2008-10-16T23:30:00.003+08:00

I came across an old journal of my 3 weeks stay in Australia back in 2004. I didn’t realize I’d write down so much details of my experience there. It was the first time I’m away from home on my own for such an extended period of time.

The first 2 weeks in Melbourne were especially memorable. Lessons, Swanston Street, Victoria Market, Lygon Street, King’s Domain, Saint Kilda’s.

So young, carefree, naïve.

I always thought there’ll be a chance to revisit these places. But now, it's impossible to do so without a tinge of sadness.

Too much has been lost.

Money

2008-10-15T00:21:00.003+08:00

Time to manage my finances properly.

I didn’t spend money for quite some time (except food and transport, some farewell gifts). I simply have enough materials (clothes, toiletries, shoes, accessories, etc) to sustain my vain self for a while. I’m trying to mix and match my clothes to get the best out of my ready-to-burst wardrobe.

I am also cancelling 2 of my credit cards. Simply because I’m not using them at all. There are only 2 cards I want to keep – UOB and Citibank. They offer discounts at more outlets and their rewards programs are much better. I also want to carry a smaller wallet as I find the current one too bulky for my favorite totes. There are too many useless cards in my wallet. Going to throw them away.

I am keeping tab on my spending and I will not be making big purchases for a long time. This reminds me of a very ugly incident. I’m not going to talk about it. Let’s just say that I will never, ever do that again.

Burn After Reading

2008-10-13T01:26:00.002+08:00

Watched this movie last night. There were some big stars in it. There were some funny moments. But as the movie progresses, I felt that it’s just revealing some of the many forms of social degradation existing today.

It’s pretty good, but I didn’t really enjoy it. Thanks NC for asking me along. I’m sorry if I was a little quiet.

I was writing this post half-way when my door bell rang. It’s past 1 AM in the morning.

?????

I’m going to sleep.

Choices

2008-10-10T00:25:00.004+08:00

Matthew 6:33

Life is full of choices. I decided to seek everything but God 3 years ago. Today, I can feel S.A.Tan gloating at me.

I have been asking myself what kind of person I will be if I didn’t leave God. If I’d prayed a little more, believed a little more. How different my life will be today. The ending will probably be sweeter.

It’s the trial everybody will go through – who is more important in my life? God or me?

Me was more important. And I returned battered and bruised. Haha.

The journey was sweet and beautiful, and the ending, even more painful. But I thank God for the journey because it made me grow up. God knows nothing works better than experiencing it on my own.

The best part is by God's grace I am born again, and I can restart my life.

Thank God for friends

2008-10-07T23:25:00.005+08:00

I can never thank God enough for the friends He's given me.

I went to Kinokunia after work with 2 of my colleagues. For the past 2 weeks, they're the only ones whom tried the hardest to bring back the smile on my face. Because of the situation going on in the office, the entire atmosphere is very moody. Everyone's feeling down.

I really thank God for them, making the extra effort to include me in everything.

I realised AL is excellent at counseling the hurt. She is truly God's gift to everyone, like that ray of light at the end of the tunnel. And HL, everything about her is just funny. Check out her blog Only Lon3ly.

What I should do now, is to accept the broken mirror in front of me. In time, God will give me a new one, to start afresh. As a better person.

Love needs

2008-10-06T21:43:00.005+08:00

Anyone who knows Abraham Maslow would be familiar with his theory Hierarchy of needs. The first four levels are known as "deficit needs". In other words, they represent the lack of something. Once you have obtained enough of that thing, your need disappears.

I’d always been hungry for the love need (I’m sure everybody does). Needless to say, I got into a few unfruitful relationships for all the wrong reasons (love at first sight, opposites attracts, chemistry felt right, etc). Every time I felt that need being satisfied, when I’m no longer seeking for any better love, the other party will be in doubt. Just as I was moving from a satisfied love need to fulfill my Ego needs (career), he decided it’s time to end it. Because he wasn’t satisfied.

It wasn’t easy for me to accept this. Simply because I loved the person for whom he is, and I had eventually accepted our differences. Only God knows why we were together in the first place, and what had gone wrong down the years.

But this is all part and parcel of dating. When 2 people get together, they want to know each other better. There’s a possibility that this person may be THE ONE. But as time goes by, feelings change. Your needs changed. You begin to understand yourself better. You realized the current state of love isn’t what you wanted. Your logical mind tells you, this may not be THE ONE.

Sometimes in a desperate effort to salvage the love (at your end), you tried that last resort – to change that person into someone you will love more, to satisfy your own need. You try to get the person to have the same interests, etc.

To a large extent, this is a selfish thing to do. You may try to arouse those same interests, but interest takes time to grow. The habits may rub-off on the other party, or backfire. When you do not see the results you want, you grow frustrated.

You now do not love the person for whom he is.

Couples who have been together a long time can eventually lost the spark in the relationship, and lose sight of their common grounds – what made them click in the first place. They can try to do what I just describe above. Keeping a relationship together requires both parties to work together, and that is not an easy task. I’d never known any couple who share the exact same interests with each other.

But finding those common grounds again is very, very important. It is also a harsh reality that it may take years before you realized there’s actually nothing in common.

But when one party decides to bailout, there’s nothing much the other person can do. In the end, it is just better to let go.

To find a soul mate is not to find someone like you. But one who can see what you see, and who can see what you can’t see.

Going home

2008-10-05T20:33:00.006+08:00

I went back to church today. I’d never felt better in a long time. It’s like a huge stone’s been lifted off my heart. It became clearer to me that this is what I’m supposed to do, wanted to do, but never done it.

Going about doing things my way for the past 3 years, all seemed like a bad dream now. I have awakened in His presence once more.

If you never step into a church or feel the Holy Spirit before, there’s no way I can describe to you how it feels like. You need to experience it yourself. You really need to have faith, let go, and believe.

And when He’s there, you know you can’t stop the tears.

Now, I can really say that I’m back for good. No more excuses.

Getting started

2008-10-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

My friend suggested that I should try blogging to keep my mind off things.

I'm going through some rough times and this is not a bad suggestion. So here I am, starting out on my first blog.

I didn't have a lot of ideas for a title, am not sure what should I be blogging about... I went through some brain storming before sticking with "Betty Boop's Blogging".

Betty Boop is a nick an old friend gave me back in JC. I can't remember why he called me that. But thank God for friends.

It's almost 2 am and my eyes are hurting. Let's continue tomorrow.